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Review: G.I. Joe – Resolute

May 1, 2009

gij1I wonder whether the age you see a piece of media (TV show, movie, whatever) affects all other instances when you’re exposed to the source material.  Why do I wonder this?  Because the version of Destro in this version (written by Warren Ellis, directed by Joachim Dos Santos) SUCKED compared to the old cartoon.

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Short plot line – Cobra Commander has a plan to blackmail the world, using satellites to ionize the atmosphere, creating a nuke-like effect that vaporizes Moscow. GIJ has 24 hours to stop them – and in a parallel plot, Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow have a showdown in Japan.

I realize that it would be impossible to give some face time to everyone that was in the old GIJ cartoon*.  But why just a couple of pans of the cast?

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– barely any Shipwreck (one of my favorites from the old days; the Jack Nicholson impersonation voice actor Neil Ross used was priceless). Shipwreck’s the one in the upper cast photo with the parrot.

– no show of Tomax and Xamot (again, more of my favorites)

– minimal use of Flint (not that I liked the character much, but hey, he was one of the leaders in later episodes of the series)

– Destro shows up and says a couple of lines.  That’s it.  Beyond a redesign of the costume, nothing.  He doesn’t even say “Of course, my dear Cobra Commander” the way Arthur Burghardt did.

– Zartan shows up for a couple of minutes (less the Dreadnoks – never liked them as characters. Not realistic.**)

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– Cobra Commander was less of a buffoon here than in the series (never wears the hood, just the helmet. Whatever). In fact, all of them were less comical than in the series.  And maybe that’s not a good thing.  Part of the reason I liked the series, I think, is because it gave the kid viewer a look at teamwork.  Cobra always had the cool stuff, and would almost conquer the world, but then their plan would fall apart, more often than not because they couldn’t put their petty natures behind them and just finish the Joes off.***

And no blue and red lasers! What the hell?!

What I liked:

 – Zartan being appropriately badass.

– the way Ellis upped the stakes for the Joes by killing off Bazooka (and Moscow, to be fair).

What Adult Swin should have done is have a 5 part series like they did with the introduction of the series back in the day – it’s not like Adult Swim doesn’t show any episodic TV at all.

Try to catch it for free if you can.

* and the GIJ roster was always incomplete anyways – where’s the team janitor (codename: PUSHBROOM)? Or the team media liason (codename: BIG LIE)?

** Yes, that’s a joke.

*** And don’t get me started on the new crop of Scooby-Doo movies where they’re fighting real ghosts.  Scooby-Doo for me was all about how there aren’t any real monsters, just bad people.

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