Review – Blood on the Highway

October 26, 2008

I may now suicide, for I have seen the next most awesome film (after Raw Force) ever made.

L to R – Roy, Carrie, Bone, Lynette, Byron. Sam wasn’t important enough to be in this photo.

Try to keep up now: Bitchy Carrie (Robin Gierhart) is dating nebbish Sam (Nate Rubin).  They’re going to the Mr. Fire festival with Neanderthal Bone (Deva George) who tapped Carrie a while ago. They get lost, and through a local find out about the town of Fate (town motto – “It’s not Denver”). They stop to clean up Sam’s projectile vomit at a gas station (y’see Sam gets motion sickness easily – as in “noticing the car is moving”) and stumble into a vampire attack. Sam gets bitten, and in the retreat from the station meet up with the last humans in town, survivalist Byron Von Jones (Tony Medlin), General and President of the sovereign nation of Houseachusetts (not recognized by the UN, just like France), his last surviving (of 12) slut wife Lynette (Laura Stone), who’s screwing douchebag Roy Jackson (Chris Gardner), who doesn’t think his inverted penis is any laughing matter. Will they survive the mass of vampires ready to burn down their house?  And what does retail giant Consumart have to do with this movie?

A couple of choice quotes from the movie (courtesy IMDB) http://us.imdb.com/

Carrie: What the hell is wrong with this town? Those guys were, like, fucking rabid.
Bone: They had fangs. Those other two died pretty quickly when I put a stake through their heart. So, obviously… they’re Lutherans.

Bone: Look, we are fucked! We’re fucked like an autistic 8 year old at a NAMBLA meeting.

And the great thing – this is just a taste!  The dialog is borderline obscene and absolute hilarious!  It’ll never be shown on any cable station because the movie would be 5 minutes long!

This is a movie to be seen on DVD with all your rowdy friends next Halloween when you’re all drunk.  I’d say see it now in a theater, but I’m not sure that it’ll show up in your area (I saw it at the Madison Horror festival – http://www.madisonhorror.com/ – and this movie alone made the trip worth it!)

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