Archive for October, 2008

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Review – Blood on the Highway

October 26, 2008

I may now suicide, for I have seen the next most awesome film (after Raw Force) ever made.

L to R – Roy, Carrie, Bone, Lynette, Byron. Sam wasn’t important enough to be in this photo.

Try to keep up now: Bitchy Carrie (Robin Gierhart) is dating nebbish Sam (Nate Rubin).  They’re going to the Mr. Fire festival with Neanderthal Bone (Deva George) who tapped Carrie a while ago. They get lost, and through a local find out about the town of Fate (town motto – “It’s not Denver”). They stop to clean up Sam’s projectile vomit at a gas station (y’see Sam gets motion sickness easily – as in “noticing the car is moving”) and stumble into a vampire attack. Sam gets bitten, and in the retreat from the station meet up with the last humans in town, survivalist Byron Von Jones (Tony Medlin), General and President of the sovereign nation of Houseachusetts (not recognized by the UN, just like France), his last surviving (of 12) slut wife Lynette (Laura Stone), who’s screwing douchebag Roy Jackson (Chris Gardner), who doesn’t think his inverted penis is any laughing matter. Will they survive the mass of vampires ready to burn down their house?  And what does retail giant Consumart have to do with this movie?

A couple of choice quotes from the movie (courtesy IMDB) http://us.imdb.com/

Carrie: What the hell is wrong with this town? Those guys were, like, fucking rabid.
Bone: They had fangs. Those other two died pretty quickly when I put a stake through their heart. So, obviously… they’re Lutherans.

Bone: Look, we are fucked! We’re fucked like an autistic 8 year old at a NAMBLA meeting.

And the great thing – this is just a taste!  The dialog is borderline obscene and absolute hilarious!  It’ll never be shown on any cable station because the movie would be 5 minutes long!

This is a movie to be seen on DVD with all your rowdy friends next Halloween when you’re all drunk.  I’d say see it now in a theater, but I’m not sure that it’ll show up in your area (I saw it at the Madison Horror festival – http://www.madisonhorror.com/ – and this movie alone made the trip worth it!)

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Review – Wicked, Wicked

October 19, 2008

Right off the bat – this is a really entertaining non-Hitchcock made, Hitchcock film (if you can wrap yourself around that sentence).  It’s shot in “Duo-Vision”, which is director Richard L. Bare’s gimmick name for a split-screen through the entire picture.

It’s so Hitchcockian in fact, that I had been about to accuse Brian DePalma of ripping off a good chunk of the movie for the early part of his career due to Bare’s use of split-screen and the dark sense of humor through the whole movie. However, IMDB says split-screen was used first by silent filmmaker Abel Gance (I can’t verify, since I can’t recall ever sitting through Napoleon).  Or maybe I’m just oversensitive to the connections since I managed to score a copy of DePalma’s Phantom Of The Paradise at a used DVD store and had watched that a couple of days before Wicked, Wicked (which makes a couple of pointed references to Phanton of the Opera) was on TCM, I dunno.

Anyway: sort-of-typical Hitchcock story of psycho Jason Grant (Randolph Roberts), working as an electrician in a huge hotel, putting on a Halloween mask & killing blondes due to sexual issues with his blonde mother. Detective (David Bailey) must protect ex-wife singer who likes to wear blonde wigs and sing nondescript rock songs (Tiffany Bolling). The humor in the film and the stylish way it was shot made the movie worth it, though.  I had to keep reminding myself that it wasn’t a DePalma film – some of the directorial choices really had me second guessing myself.

I think the Duo-Vision thing could’ve been used a little less and the film would’ve been better known, and for what it’s worth, Bare does go to full screen at certain points in the film. It’s not on Amazon either, so keep your eyes peeled for it to be on TCM next Halloween

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Libertarian endorses the State through public services!

October 19, 2008

So here’s the deal – I’ve been doing some home repair this week, and I got it into my tiny head that I might just be able to fix my roof by myself.  After all, they only devote 1 page on the repair in my home repair manual – how hard can it be?

So I rent a ladder (singular – that’s important to the story) gather my stuff newly-bought at the hardware store, get my brother to act as my safety net with a phone to call 911, and climb up to do the deed.

I’ve got a steep roof: much steeper than the picture in my manual.  I manage to get myself onto the roof and off the ladder, sixteen feet up,  and then realize that my shoes aren’t giving me enough traction to actually move around safely.  It’s also too slippery for me to get my feet back onto the ladder to get back to safety.

It’s here that I realize that I’m in deep shit.

My brother calls 911, the firemen arrive, and promptly ask me where my roof ladder is.

Ah. Roof Ladder. The missing element in this equation.

I get the frowning of a lifetime from the 6 guys that got me off the roof, but manage to get back down safe and sound.  I’m embarrassed to have used State services, but boy was I glad to have had them around!

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Review – Evil Aliens

October 7, 2008

When I saw the title card, I thought to myself Well this guy’s got balls – giving himself proprietary credit over the title like that.  But then, he was the writer of Razor Blade Smile, and that was pretty good, so I’ll give him a pass.

Michelle Fox (Emily Booth) is the host of Weird Worlde, a British version of one of those “investigate the paranormal” shows that seem to be the easiest way to get a plot about the paranormal going. She and her motley cast and crew, including a true believer (Jaime Honeybourne) are sent by her producer to get some ratings through interviewing a Welsh alien abductee who’s pregnant. 

While faking evidence that aliens have landed (against Honeybourne’s character’s wishes) they encounter real aliens, LED nasal implants, hostile Welsh farmers – the usual.

Still not a big fan of non-24P video for theatrical stuff. Says on IMDB that it was shot with a Sony HDW-750 (a $64K camera). Didn’t help it, im my opinion.  Some nice cinematography, though, and there’s a sense of humor and edginess throughout the entire thing that makes it palatable (probably because it’s British) – although it does give a little bit too many shoutouts to other films like Evil Dead, Predator, Sergio Leone westerns, just to name a couple. The CGI should be better for something made in 2005, though, and the ending is pretty lame.

But – who could completely hate a film with this in it…

Recommended, but only if you can get hold of the unrated edition.  I think the movie would lose its edge if some of the gratuitous gore or comedy was cut.

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Appleseed Pt 9

October 6, 2008

Lookit that – there’s hope.

And while I’m at it – about a month back there was a discusion amongst some gun bloggers about the utility of an Appleseed for the absolute beginner – here’s one..

http://anarchangel.blogspot.com/2008/09/appleseed-and-gun-nuts.html

I have to say I agree with Byrne on this – I had believed that the problem was with me when I wasn’t hitting the target (hitting other people’s targets, actually) when my rifle hadn’t been zeroed, and I had shot maybe 200 rounds through it.  Someone who isn’t as determined as I am might have been discouraged and given up with the intensity of the training there.  I haven’t – I’m going to get that Rifleman patch someday! – and perhaps the “sink or swim” approach is the best way to cultivate Riflemen.  I just think that more clarity in exactly what’s going to happen might behoove the RWVA.

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Smokey the Pectoral Bear Raises Your Children Right!

October 1, 2008

A little comic (heh) relief to make you smile – a dissertion on Smoket the Bear comics…

http://johnkstuff.blogspot.com/2008/09/smokey-pectoral-bear-is-coming.html

Especially funny – the fight between Smokey and his nemesis, Gimp.  Priceless!